I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
