I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
