Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am one with the molecules
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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