Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
