I wanna bring you to show and tell
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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