Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
