So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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