I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
