You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Everything about him screamed your future.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
