Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
