Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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