So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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