I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
