OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
