So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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