I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
