I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
