so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
