i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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