Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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