You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
