i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize