I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
