Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
