I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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