the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
