Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize