so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
