the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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