That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
