Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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