He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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