p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
