after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
