I puked a lego.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
