***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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