Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
