I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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