you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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