He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
