We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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