Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
