u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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