last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
