ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
