Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
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