omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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