Only a mothe r could love this liver
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
