I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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