So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Someone shit on the floor
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
