Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
