this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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