i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drunk is a universal language darling
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
