DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
