Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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