Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
