He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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