Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
