so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize