You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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