Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
