Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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