I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
