Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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