did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
