I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
