I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just google imaged poop.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
