It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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