Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
