Old men and throwing up are my life now.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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