normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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